We're all aware of the very reasonable Federal Aviation Administration no-nos that prohibit weapons, smoking and "interference" with airline personnel. But the airlines have their own rules, too. Some are less than obvious or a bit vague, and all are open to interpretation by and enforceable at the discretion of the crew. Let's count the many things that might get you banned from boarding or booted from a flight before takeoff.

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1. Smelling like a locker room

Buying a ticket contractually obligates you to refrain from boarding in "a malodorous condition." If you run out of time for a shower before your flight, at least take a sponge bath, just to be safe.

2. Bringing your germs onboard

If you appear seriously ill — especially with a condition that seems contagious — and can't produce a doctor's written permission to travel, you may not be allowed to fly.

3. Dressing inappropriately

Revealing clothing — including baggy pants hanging south of the undershorts — and T-shirts broadcasting lewd sayings or inflammatory political slogans have gotten passengers ousted.

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4. Swearing like a longshoreman

Numerous conflicts during boarding that could have been resolved quickly ended instead with passengers being escorted off the plane when the fray escalated into a volley of foul epithets.

5. Showing up over-lubricated

wee dram might relieve travel stress, but just appearing to be intoxicated is grounds for ejection. Even if you're well below the legal limit, be sure your conduct is unassailable when you have alcohol on your breath.